When "good enough" is good enough

Yesterday evening we were all getting ready to sit down for dinner. Jason was bringing the meat off the grill, I (Stephanie) was plating the food in the kitchen while the kids were cleaning up toys and books from the afternoon. We set the table and 5 of us sat down to eat--everyone except for Lydia.

Waiting for Lydia is not an uncommon occurrence in our family. Lydia is pretty much my blonde mini-twin. One of the traits that she gets from the Highley side of the family is that she moves at her own speed--most often that speed is "mosey". That was not the case last night.

Lydia was bustling around, with purpose in her steps as she was picking up and neatly putting away every last toy and book where it belonged. All of the things that her siblings left where they lay to come to the table for dinner. Lydia saw what needed done and worked diligently until it was finished.

Have I mentioned that Lydia is also our resident "messy"? This ties into her deeply creative and artistic nature. She is not one to naturally see order, and organization is not one of her strong suits. Caroline and Ian keep me on my toes and probably know better than I do how to put away our toys and books in their proper place with their Type-A, left-brained leanings.

So, the fact that it was Lydia who was cleaning after everyone else abandoned the task was noteworthy, and I took a moment to thank her for her help and for following through until the job was done. I told her that she was going above and beyond what we expected and we appreciate her effort. She sheepishly grinned and whispered "Thank you."

Not to be outdone, Caroline immediately piped up, "What about me? I did a good job too, right?"


(Sigh.)


It's always present in our lives, isn't it? We do what is expected, we try to do "good", but we look around and compare ourselves to those around us and suddenly we wonder if we're "good enough". We want the praise that someone else receives, and we compare their extraordinary moments with our moments of adequacy.

Adequacy. We're hitting the mark. Meeting expectations. We are "good enough". If everything that we did was extraordinary, it would no longer be extraordinary.


I took a pause to think for a moment how to respond to Caroline, knowing that my response in this moment was worth more than a flippant remark. "Yes, Caroline, you did do a very good job and did exactly what we asked you to do. Lydia went above and beyond and even though we didn't expect her to get everything cleaned up, she took the initiative to finish the job."


Somehow it still didn't seem like "enough" of an answer to her question, but I hope that love and grace will somehow cover over an answer that was adequate, but certainly not extraordinary. I wish that I had the eloquence to speak words of wisdom in everything that I say to my kids, but I just don't. And I try not to compare my moments of adequacy, such as this, with other moments of extraordinary wisdom that I have heard from Jason as I listen to him speak with one of the kids from time to time, or from other parents who seem to always have just the right words to say--at least when I'm around. Because I know that we're all just doing the best that we can. And that's "good enough".



So, what would you have told Caroline?

Newsboys and Ducks: A Post From the Mrs.

So, Jason showed me a few of the ins and outs of the blog, and I picked up on the most important part: how to write on it. Hopefully he does not regret this decision. I remind him frequently that my middle name is Brooke, as in the babbling kind, but I'll try not to be too wordy when I step up to the plate here. :)


An overarching theme in my life lately and the circles that I find myself in has been about motivation. Specifically the motives behind our actions.


The old Newsboys song, "Shine", has a line in it that says:
...The truth is in
the proof is when
your heart starts asking
"What's my motivation?"


If you were a teenager in a Christian church in the 1990's you are probably singing along in your head now too. For that I'm so sorry. But Truth is found in a variety of places, not just the highest quality of music...but that's for another time. If you have not heard the song up to now, you can check it out here on Youtube.


What is your motivation for your actions? Are you motivated by fear? Most of us are.


Now, I'm not talking about choosing not to go visit a Haunted House this season because of fear, as one of my friends responded when posed the question. I'd say that fear is probably not a bad motivation for deciding against that choice, in my opinion. Fear and not wanting to change my pants.


However, if you are allowing fear to dictate the answers to the important questions in your life, I'd go so far as to say that fear is a poor motivation for decision-making. When fear controls your decisions, you are giving over control of your life to this fear.


This can be every decision from personal questions such as: "Should I go talk to that gentleman standing on the street with a sign asking for a dollar?"
It can be vocational questions such as: "Should I take this job/leave this job/start my own business/expand my business?"
It can even be spiritual questions such as: "Is my motivation for choosing my faith or religion because I truly want to know and follow God or because I'm afraid of going to Hell?"


Our oldest daughter is in Kindergarten and she provides an excellent example of how our motives are more important that the choices that we make. Her class is like most other elementary classes, including my own when I taught at her current elementary school several years ago. Her teacher has a classroom management plan that includes rewards for good behavior.


Caroline tells me every day that she got a Smiley Stamp on her chart and will ask me if I'm proud of her that she got a stamp (for good behavior) on her chart. Each time I tell her that I am proud that she's doing the right thing, not that she got a stamp. The stamp is just a symbol of the desired behavior. I want her motivation to be that she has the internal desire to do the right thing, because it's the right thing to do, not the desire for approval of others.




Do the right thing, because it's the right thing to do.




It's so simple, and one of the mantras around the Simpson Six homestead. However, we often get caught up in fear and worry about the approval of others. I don't care if you are six or sixty--we all care on one level or another about the approval of someone, somewhere in our lives--often much more than we should. The Minimalist Mom (another blogger that I LOVE to read--if you are interested in or intrigued by minimalist living, check her out here) wrote a great article about not caring what other people think. We like ducks a lot around here, and they've got it right. Just let everything roll off your back. Easier said than done, right?

We only have one life, and we are the authors of it. Take back the pen from fear and from trying to please everyone around you and write your own story. I'm certain that it will be much more thrilling, exciting and fulfilling than what others and fear could ever write for you.