What do I have left?

I found myself in the same situation/predicament today that I have found myself many times before.  I have invested so much of myself and my energy into my day that I have nothing left for my family.  Upon my arrival home, I have nothing else on my mind but to just kick back and veg out, to do what I want to do.  My children, always pining for my attention, keep calling to me to watch their show or to follow them around.  Meanwhile, I am just getting irritated at their volume level and getting in the way of the task that I am trying to accomplish, be it cleaning something up, preparing dinner, or one of many tasks that I have before me.


Yes, I did compel myself (because force is too strong of a word) to get down on their level to interact and play.  We did a brief 'Daddy jungle gym' (let your imagination be your guide) and played with some blocks, but I quickly went back to my household tasks.  Yet, it was during bath time, another one of those begrudging chores, that I really thought about where I was at, both mentally and physically.  I didn't have the time or energy for them, at least, not the amount that they deserve.


Granted, as a working parent I cannot come home every day brimming with energy and zeal, ready to hug and tackle my kids right when I walk in the door and then race around with them in our back yard until my lovely wife has dinner prepared.  But really, how many times have I come home only to ignore them, to fulfill my own selfish desires, which in reality consists mostly of vegging out and tuning out?  Where is the balance, where my kids get the interaction with their awesome father that they crave, but I get the chance to unwind?  When I think about it, if they are not out of bed before I leave in the morning, they may only get 3 hours of their day with me.  For you non-mathematical people, that is only 12.5% of the day.


I write this looking ahead.  I look ahead to the days when I can spend my whole day investing into my children.  When I can play with them for hours on end, to be with them as they make new discoveries, hone their skills, and gain new talents.  I pine for what is ahead of my family, when we have the opportunity to be with each other not for just a day or two over the weekend, but for when we can spend weeks at a time getting under each others skin.  I am eager for the time when we will need to step away from each other for some alone time rather than wishing that we had just one or two more hours to play.


I love my kids.  I love how they pull me down to their level, which is one of joy, fun, amazement, and discovery.  God bless where he is taking this family, I am looking forward to it.